Being a more positive parent

I’ve had my fair share of rubbish days as a parent.

I’m living through one right now, given that Georgia is ill with a mystery virus making her grumpy, tired and waking through the night like a newborn.

But what makes it all enjoyable and worthwhile are the smug days. Or more accurately, the smug glimmers in a day. The glimmers that make you feel like you’re winning at parenting.

Unfortunately, having a whole day like this is like gold dust unless your kids are angels. Let’s face it, not many are!

Rubbish days make me question my parenting decisions and make me feel like a worthless parent. “I must be doing something wrong”,  is a thought I often have on these days.

They make me feel isolated and do nothing for my self esteem. They’re also the days that I think… “one is enough right?”

But it has made me realise the truth about parenting.

There are three sorts of days that you have, the smug ones that you’ll often see moments of on Instagram, the crap ones where nothing seems to go right and of course the normal days which are a little from column A and a little from column B.

Although a whole day is rarely a complete washout, a few crappy elements can sneak into a normal day without it becoming crap. It's the reality of parenting.

Here’s what those days look like for me:

Smug days

When I’m having a smug parenting day, she’ll wake up at a normal time.

She’s recently started to shout “I CAN SEE THE SUNSHINE!”, speaking about her Gro Clock having turned from blue to yellow at 6.30 am. We’ll go downstairs, play for a bit and skip along for the rest of the day as a happy family. We’ll go out, do fun activities, laugh a lot and really enjoy ourselves.

On these days, I could be on top of a mountain. They’re just great. But they don’t happen enough.

Let’s face it, anything less than 100% Smug isn’t enough. These days are the ones we live for. The ones we cling to.

Normal days

It’s rare that the golden smug day actually gets to be played out but that’s my intention every morning. It’s just that worlds have to align and blue moons have to rise for that to happen.

What normally happens is that she’ll wake at the right time, then we’ll have to compromise for the rest of the day.

“I waaant to dooo thiss” You know, the long drawn out words of a moaning toddler who isn’t getting their way.

We’ll fall out a few times through the day too for silly reasons – like me telling her off for wanting to jump from something, or because we can’t go to Peppa Pig world on a whim – which turns what could have been a smug day into a normal day.

Or her taking her socks off for no reason. I mean… why do toddlers have an aversion to wearing socks? Sure she’ll pop a bobble hat on in 25 degree sun, but no way wants to wear a pair of socks on a drizzly day.

Crap days

Crap days happen far too regularly for my liking.

They’re the ones that you just want to write off.

I’ve realised in the past few months that crap days can be caused by quite a few things… for me at the very least.

Sometimes it’s a crap day because she woke at the wrong side of CBeebies turning on (anything before Show me Show me is TOO early) and threw off the entire day, making both of us not really know what we’re doing for the duration. They leave me shrugging my shoulders and generally spending the day feeling confused and running in circles.

Although a whole day is rarely a complete washout, a few crappy elements can sneak into a normal day without it becoming crap.

It’s the reality of parenting.

A golden smug day only needs a few tugs with menace on your luscious locks or a few tantrums to turn that day into a normal day. It then only takes a couple more to make it a crap one.

Thinking positively

But what’s interesting is that each parent has a threshold for the level of crap they can deal with before you officially write it off as a crap day. I think mine is about 3 fairly big-ish things before that seesaw teeters over to crapville.

Unless I wake up on the wrong side of 5am that is.

But each time I wake up (after 6am), I think of the day as a new one with optimism. What happened the previous day is done and dusted and today could just be one of those smug days.

I’ve lived through enough days of only getting 2 hours sleep to know that I’ll make it through the other side. It’s okay. Yeah, those days aren’t the best and it’s completely okay to write them off.

Everyday isn’t going to be sunshine and fairy tales. Just as long as some of them are.

How do you look at parenting with positivity?

Follow:

18 Comments

  1. April 25, 2018 / 9:05 am

    my last couple of days have been smug days! On Monday evening I said to myself, I’ve smashed this parenting lark today!! This was following an awful day on Sunday! #fortheloveofblog

  2. April 25, 2018 / 9:08 am

    This is like reading about my life! I have now learnt to right off the bad days and start again. If I dwell on them, I have realised that it just takes over and goes on and on but with a little bit of positivity that it can go better, 9/10 times it most certainly does and that’s good enough for me.

  3. April 25, 2018 / 11:45 am

    Knowing it’s not just you is sometimes comforting. Particularly when you’re attempting to navigate “a situation”. Blogs like this are invaluable 🙂

  4. April 25, 2018 / 11:57 am

    I love a good smug day and try to put the crap ones to the back of my mind. All any mum wants to do is the best for their child but when you’ve been shouted at from dawn until dusk because Peppa pig isn’t working that’s hard. If we all know we’re not alone it helps #fortheloveofBlog

  5. April 25, 2018 / 12:41 pm

    I try to remember that no matter how badly the day is going, something could happen to turn it all around. It doesn’t always happen, but I have to hope! Pretty much every weekday morning starts badly – because my daughter hates being woken up for nursery – but sometimes things get better. #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. April 25, 2018 / 2:54 pm

    One of my goals for this year is to be a more positive parent. It makes my household a much happier place when I have a positive attitude and therefore a higher threshold for patience. Thank you for the reminder today!
    #fortheloveofblog

  7. April 25, 2018 / 3:44 pm

    I just try to remember that the good/normal days outweigh the crap ones and that it’s okay to be grumpy sometimes. Real life as a parent isn’t Insta-perfect and if we set realistic standards and expectations for ourselves, our kids will learn that their lives don’t have to be perfect either, which is surely healthier? #fortheloveofblog

  8. April 25, 2018 / 4:08 pm

    I have learned it’s best to not have big expectations and to go with the flow. I try to focus on the good things. It’s not easy but it helps. #fortheloveofblog

  9. April 25, 2018 / 4:44 pm

    I find I could have all three of these days in one Saturday! #fortheloveBLOG

  10. April 25, 2018 / 7:31 pm

    It can be tough to see the positive sometimes. BUT whenever I chat to my boys about their day or other things it makes my day. Chatting to them is awesome. 🙂
    #fortheloveofblog

  11. April 25, 2018 / 8:23 pm

    The boy has graced me with quite a few smug days recently, nut I do have to try really hard not to let a tantrum ruin the whole day #fortheloveofBLOG

  12. April 25, 2018 / 10:43 pm

    Yeah the not so good days are just so tough. In my experience though the older kids gets get the more it balances out #fortheloveofBLOG

  13. April 26, 2018 / 12:37 am

    I figure on the good days count my blessings. On the hard days at least it is only 24 hours. #fortheloveofblog

  14. April 26, 2018 / 8:03 am

    having three kids it tends to me that there is always one child having a ‘naughty’ day so the good days where everyone is well behaved are rare. But when they do happen I feel like I’m on top o the world! #fortheloveofblog

  15. April 28, 2018 / 8:13 pm

    I just try and remember the nice times and how lovely my kids really are. Also knowing that not everyday will be like that helps.
    #fortheloveofBLOG

  16. April 29, 2018 / 6:56 pm

    Every day with little ones is so different – they definitely keep you on your toes! I always find when my daughter is playing up, my dog decides to join in too! #fortheloveofBLOG

  17. April 30, 2018 / 8:52 pm

    Seeing each day a new is a good idea and experiencing the rubbish days makes the good ones even better. #fortheloveofBLOG

  18. May 2, 2018 / 7:33 am

    What do they say? The problem isn’t the problem, how you view the problem is the problem….Nice post! #fortheloveofBLOG

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *