Who am I when I’m not Mummy?

As much as I try to juggle all that life has to throw at me, I inevitably drop something. I’ve written about it before, but it’s a frustration of mine and often makes me feel like I’m being flitty. That I’m not the person I once was.

You see, I’m not the flitty one. I’m the dependable one. The one that’s always on time (if not early). The one that will always go the extra mile.

At least that used to be me.

Now, I’m the one who forgets to send birthday cards. Forgets about the latest nursery stay and play dates and forgets what on earth I walked upstairs for.

It’s a me that’s been reborn at some point in the last few years and she took me unaware. I didn’t even know that I was losing the former me.

Did I gently lose my grip on her like Jack in the Titanic (she totally let go when she said she wouldn’t)? Or did she vanish like a magician’s assistant?

Either way, she’s not in there anymore.

I think my biggest trouble sometimes is looking in the mirror and not recognising the person I’ve become. I expect to see the old me, but she’s not there and I’m not quite sure who I’m looking at. So who am I when I’m not Mummy?

With most changes in life, you have time to adapt – the choices we make are conscious ones, rather than those that are thrust upon us. Or at the very least, you can see them coming.

After you become a mother and emerge from the other side as a half zombie, sleep deprived shell of a woman, you have little time to contemplate how you’ve changed. Sure, you embrace it in those first few months. Or at least, you don’t notice it. You have a new tiny person who needs your undivided attention – of course you’ve changed, you’re now a mother.

No, what I’m talking about is the years after. The part where you ask, so who am I when I’m not mummy? The time after the dust has settled on being a parent and you actually have a stride. Things become easier which gives you the time to reflect on yourself and start being able to spend more time on you.

She’s giving me the time to look in the mirror and start to really see the person I am now. I haven’t had time until now to really think about it. To reflect on how I’ve fundamentally changed without me really noticing.

Things I’ve noticed include:

  • I crave spa days and get ridiculously excited about them.
  • I’m often ‘on time’ (not an accolade to really get excited about, nor one I’m adding to my CV).
  • I run and actually enjoy it.
  • I now enjoy buying flowers (I used to hate flowers).
  • I went to Center Parcs and DIDN’T go on the rapids or slides – and didn’t care about that.

Sure, we all change as we get older. That’s a given and is in fact life. But when you do finally focus and catch a glimpse of yourself, it’s inevitable that the person you find isn’t the same one you saw last time you looked.

I’m not sad about the person I’ve become, nor do I morn the person I used to be. I just don’t know her properly yet.

Instead, I want to get to know the new me. I deserve to get to know her a bit better and I think she deserves that too.

Who am I when I'm not being mummy?

Comments 22

  1. Interesting – we do change but it’s often just age. I think you also go back to things because you just get too bored doing kid things all the time. So you give it up for a bit, but the interest is usually still there and easily reignited. I’d go beserk not going on a water slide if I was at a water park…I’m mature like that. #FortheloveofBlog

  2. My journey to being a mother took quite a long time so I’m still all in on being a Mum! I think it’s actually made me bolder if I compare the before and after. I would like a tiny bit of time to myself now and again though… 🙂 #fortheloveofBLOG

  3. I love that you’re talking about learning about yourself. I think we’re so easily convinced we should always be the same but inevitably motherhood changes us. Take time to learn who you are, experience new things and be you. Brilliant post. 🙂

  4. We do change and that’s okay 🙂 Sometimes it’s permanently while other times it’s temporary and driven by circumstances. I don’t mind water slides but never bothered when the Tubblet was small because we’d go as a family of 3. Water slides are no fun by yourself

  5. One of the benefits of being an older mum for me was that I’ve reinvented myself quite a few times over the past twenty odd years, some of that from choice and sometimes for other reasons. I’m quite pragmatic – plus my body started to go south before baby LOL! I think I was really ready to let go of the old me and now I look at myself in the mirror, and think “oh yeah, you! It’s about time you came out.” I definitely notice a change in my energy though and I don’t always like that. I don’t always look my best and sometimes feel a bit of a frump. Gone are the days of me rocking skinny jeans and tee shirts, but I’m okay with that really. I’m all about clothes that let me bounce into soft play unhindered now, and work clothes that don’t require ironing! 🙂 Loved this post #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. Oh I am so with you on this. I often wonder who the hell I am these days! Recently I started doing felt crafts in my spare time. FELT CRAFTS?!? Motherhood has deffo made me weirdly suburban. I am slowly but surely turning into my Mum! Ace post #fortheloveofBLOG

  7. I became a mom later in life. I often look back at my kid free years and think of all the fun I had. I will be old and gray when she is on her own. I think I can find some new fun to have. #fortheloveofblog

  8. Spa days are the best! That’s not a bad change. It’s funny how w change isn’t it. I have become way more chilled out and yet more anxious all at the same time. #fortheloveofBLOG

  9. Becoming a mother changes us as a whole. I still feel however like the old me, the same me, but with just added elements of responsibility etc etc. I do feel that we can loose ourselves, on a daily basis and its gone to come back down to earth and focus of us, as an individual as well as being Mama #fortheloveofblog

  10. I could have written this myself. I have no idea what happened to super organised, on top of it me. She definitely isn’t around when I stumble up to my engagements looking like a dog’s dinner and at least half an hour late! Glad it’s just not me! #fortheloveofBLOG

  11. Becoming a mum is a hard thing to come to terms with as not only is there the new responsibility, there is also the change in you as a person. With a lack of time for self discovery it can take a while but we all get there in the end. Sometimes its a good thing as we get to do new things we’d never do before!! #fortheloveofBLOG

  12. Well done you on talking about it and when we do we always help other people too. I struggled to get the old me back for years and then when I stopped and lived in the moment more and got help with depression, she turned up better than ever or I think so anyway. As I say, these feelings need to be talked about more and then everyone can feel much less isolated in the challenges of mummyhood. #Fortheloveofblog

  13. I think we all somehow change when we become mothers. We take on that role of responsibility instantly when our little ones are born and often we start neglecting ourselves and in time we lose our true identity as this title of “mummy” has consumed our life. But change is always good and it’s how we embrace change – so I’m glad you are getting to know the new you but in saying that also be kind to yourself and know your self worth and that this new you can now focus on what is best for her.#fortheloveofblog

  14. Totally agree with you that we change as we get older. I always have hated being late for things and know that two of my loved ones are the opposite. #fortheloveofBLOG

  15. Lovely
    Being a Mummy is a beautiful reflection of all that we do, from our constant going and never stopping until we feel that all is well. It must be that even though we may have at times been stretched thin, full scheduled, pressed, tired or worn, and still, will be bursting with love; We’re made for it and made for even more. And those lovely things happen when our little ones will do or say something that lets us know we’ve done really well and it will always be worth it, no matter how we look or how much our bodies and minds could have to do. And then there will be the time when we notice our beauty again because it never really leaves us does it. Being Mummy is a real triumph. And if you really look at most any Mummy, no matter what they’ve got to conquer, you’ll find true beauty.
    Being Mummy Is The Best
    Well Done Mummy To All
    Well Done You

  16. I agree completely, we change, we mature and we have to constantly review where we are and which direction we are heading in. I find a vision board helps to understand what makes me happy and what do I want now (which may be totally different to what I may have wanted when I was younger).

    I wish you well on your quest xx

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